YOU CAN'T SHAKE THE DESIRE FOR INTIMACY

A wise man from the ancient past once said there is nothing new under the sun.  In terms of the broad categories by which we attempt to order our lives, I agree.  But in another sense, the multiple layers of complexity inherent in a culture dominated by speed, technological innovation, and marketing (read propagandizing) predispose many in our culture to capitulate to a default position of breathless confusion.  In terms of our relationships with one another, it often appears to me that we skittishly approach new people-connections more as business and/or networking opportunities rather than seeking deeper levels of true friendship or appropriate intimacy.  I don't think it is too much of a stretch to say that the result of this approach to relationships is a widespread erosion of trust and the feeling that most relationships are exploitive in nature.

In my role as a therapist I am always curious as to what is evoked in clients when I bring up the word intimacy.  Here are some responses I have heard:

• "Oh, you mean sex?"
• "I don't think I've ever experienced true intimacy."
• "I'm too much of a realist to ever hope for intimacy with anyone."
• "Every time I try to go deeper with people things seem to fall apart."
• "I'm too busy."

The list could go on and on.  Yet, in spite of our cynicism and hopelessness, there is a yearning that simply will not go away: the yearning for deep, safe, intimate connectedness.  Gerald May says it well:

"It is possible to run away from the desire for years, even decades, at a time, but we cannot eradicate it entirely.  It keeps touching us in little glimpses and hints in our dreams, our hopes, our unguarded moments.  We may go to sleep, but our desire for love does not.  It is who we are."

If you want to explore this concept, I suggest that you purchase Gerald May's book The Awakened Heart.  Currently, it can be purchased at Amazon for about $15.