The word attachment is found often in the writings of the classic Christian mystics and particularly in the work of St. John of the Cross. It originally meant “nailed to” and connotes the idea of habituation. The late psychiatrist/spiritual director Gerald May states that attachment is the spiritual term for the psychological process of conditioning. “Attachment nails the energy of our passion to someone or something, producing a state of addiction. Once addiction takes hold, the loved one becomes an object to which we are bound. The object of addiction may be anything: a person, a place, a substance, a behavior, a belief. We come to expect gratification from this object and to want more and more of it. Sooner or later we realize that we have not only fallen for this thing, we are in bondage to it.” What may have started as a legitimate (or illegitimate) attraction can easily evolve into a compulsion. At this point the ability to choose is greatly lessened and becomes subservient to the object of attraction. Compulsions are destructive in that they erode personal freedom. “We cling to things, people, beliefs, and behaviors not because we love them, but because we are terrified of losing them...We want to be free, compassionate, and happy, but in the face of our attachments we are clinging, grasping, and fearfully self-absorbed.”
Underlying attachments and compulsions, however, is a desire to belong and have meaning; to know that somewhere in the universe we are loved unconditionally. We want to know our true identity and comprehend our place in the human family. In our restless quest to find this place of comfort we easily fall prey to shallow satisfactions and distractions. Longings often deteriorate into crude, thoughtless diversions, and in short, take on the power of idolatry.
Some would say that the way to deal with attachments is to detach or simply cut off the attachment. The Christian form of this is “Just repent!” In extreme, it often took the form of asceticism. The problem is that desires fought against tend to develop a life of their own and, rather than liberating the soul, end up dominating one’s time and attention. The notion that we can be free from desire makes no more sense than breathing without oxygen. Orthodox Christianity has always taught that our ultimate desire is a reflection of our search for God. Misguided desire is a possibility only because healthy desire is also a possibility. To be without desire is to be dead. Our longing for is basically a longing for life and love…and God. The road to maturity is paved with healthy desire, without which we will default to unhealthy addictions and attachments.
